After party blues

We all had a wonderful time at Pepe’s birthday supper.  The meal was simple but oh so delicious.  Zoe even ate mushed up rice and carrots.  She particularly enjoyed the dessert though, an angel food cake layered with a yummy custard and garden strawberries.

For Pepe’s birthday card we did something special.  I found a whole bunch of tickets Bernadette and Catherine made a while ago with their names on them.  I found another one of them on the girls’ bookshelf the other night, so I cut off Bernadette’s signature and taped it into Pepe’s card.

The evening was going well.  Zoe was as cute and entertaining as ever.  The only glitch was Catherine was lonely and bored.  She did her best to play with Zoe but Zoe can only hold her attention for so long.  After supper she went outside hoping that one of her friends, particularly Piper from down the street, would see her and come play with her.  She sat on the curb right below the “For Sale” sign and waited and watched.  Even in the spitting rain she waiting and watched.  I stood in the doorway watching her and couldn’t fight back the tears.  My heart breaks when I see how lonely Catherine can be at times and there is nothing I can do to fix the situation or make her feel any better.   Her and Bernadette were almost inseparable.   When Bernadette was sick and I’d see Catherine outside trying to entertain herself, it was the only time I really cried hard, knowing that Catherine’s life would change forever without her favorite sister by her side.   When we got home I stood in my office and had a moment of wild intense anger where I wanted to do something to strike back at God but I knew that anything I wanted to do would just hurt me and not God so I decided against it.  Besides, I could hear Bernadette’s little voice, “Oh but Mommy, God is so wonderful!!!!”   How does one argue with someone who has first hand knowledge?

You put a tear in my eye tonight Patti. Knowing how involved both of us are with our children I’d be right in the same boat as you trying to help my child find joy. Amber & Sienna will say a special prayer for Catherine tonight…

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Patti, I can truly understand your sadness for Catherine. I am praying that God will comfort Catherine & perhaps provide a playmate that she can become close to. It will never be as it was with Bernadette but maybe pretty close.

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Patti, you are so strong and faithful to face such a devastating loss with so much grace. Your burden is so heavy and yet you are walking through your grief with an open heart and your faith in Him is uplifting to me.