Three months

Today marks three months since Bernadette left us.  Three long months and yet three very fast months.  I am amazed at how I can’t think even one hour into the future without tears and yet we’ve survived three months already!  I suppose I should find that encouraging.  We made it through the first three months, surely we can make it through the second three months.  But still one hour at a time, one day at a time, only by staying in this present moment.

A dear lady sent me an email yesterday and she said this passage would one day ring loud and clear for me, just not right now.   Romans 8:18 – I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  It may not bring me much comfort right now, but I was thinking about Bernadette (like what’s new!).  My memory focuses mostly on the last three months of her life and all her sufferings and it still causes so much pain.  And yet this passage is for her too.  Only she no longer has to consider her present sufferings because hers are no more and she knows the glory that will be revealed.  She is not dwelling on her sufferings any more like I still am.    One day my memory will be my friend, but right now it feels like it’s my worst enemy.  Just like time will be my friend too but right now it feels like an enemy.